I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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