see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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