just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
