Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
