I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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