I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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