She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
