Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
