broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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