I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
