weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
