My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
