I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
