pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
