My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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