You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
