hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
should my penis look like a turkey
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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