The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
NoShamevember. You game?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
