Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
