He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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