I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
