last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
