I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
