I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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