hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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