Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
