Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize