all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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