i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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