Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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