I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
