I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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