:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
