Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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