theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
