he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
