Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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