He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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