We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
