everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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