In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
