the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
