what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
