Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
