craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
