I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dicks are not precious.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
