Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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