i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
