I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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