OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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