Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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