Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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