I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
