I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
