24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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