I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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