I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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