My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
