new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
