We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
