Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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