I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
