My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
