from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
