You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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