Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
