My friends, they love my intelligence
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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