new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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