Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You smell like stripper and shame
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
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It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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