Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
