I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
