So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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