Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
