addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
