Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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