so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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