I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize