he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
