I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
