Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
