you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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