i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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