Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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