She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
