I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
