Jerry, you need to find god
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
